Half Time

Today is October 20th, the half-way point of my time in China. WOAH. Time has flown by, and I know the next seven weeks will also go by before I know it. I am both sad that I’m halfway through this adventure, and satisfied that I’m here for an appropriate amount of time. When we arrived, as part of our orientation we reviewed and discussed the stages of common reactions to being immersed in a foreign culture. The first stage was the “honeymoon” stage, followed by a “crash” or “culture shock” stage where the full reality of being so far away from the familiar hits you with brutal force, followed by a slow climb up from that “low” towards a more balanced outlook where you see both the good and bad of a place. Our teachers told us that we could expect to experience any of these stages for really any amount of time, and even repeat this process multiple times while in China. I don’t know if it’s because I’ve traveled so much, or if the very act of discussing the stages sort of made me emotionally detached from/analytical of my own “culture shock process,” but I haven’t really gone through any extremes, and have sort of plodded along, experiencing the good and the bad and keeping a pretty balanced perspective the whole time. Or at least that’s how I’ve felt about it—I’ve been having a great time, but not because I’ve been blissfully entranced by China (I absolutely love the experience of being here, but I’ve definitely been aware of what I don’t like about China or what makes me uncomfortable), and I haven’t been miserable, or particularly homesick. I think any serious emotional issues have been kept in check by three forces:

1. My host family is really great. When I went to Spain for a month in 2007, it was infinitely harder, because my host family situation was less than ideal (a story for another day…). Having gone through that experience, every good thing about my Chinese host family has eclipsed anything bad, and they’ve been so welcoming (while also not being overbearing), that it’s been incredibly easy to live with them.
2. Compared to junior and senior year of high school, living in China is an emotional piece of cake. This might sound funny, but I am completely serious. I am so relaxed here. I loved Milton, especially as an upperclassman, but a day there was infinitely more busy, stressful, sleep-deprived, and caffeinated than any day has been here. I am simply less stressed; all of my stresses here are fleeting and situational (it’s raining out; the crowds get a bit overwhelming; I just barely miss a train on the subway and have to wait three extra minutes; I have an un-graded but mentally-daunting dictation in class…aren’t you jealous?).
3. I’m here for such a short amount of time. Itt really is not a very long time at all, in the grand scheme of things. Or even not in the grand scheme of things, just in the normal scheme of things; I’m here basically the length of a summer vacation. The time between Labor Day and Christmas, minus a few days. Not very long at all. You can endure anything for that long (re: senior fall). And in my very lucky case, it has not been a case of my having to endure anything, but rather getting to enjoy my time here. Yay. That short amount of time, however, also exerts its own pressures. Because it’s very easy to feel like you’re not making the most of it. Or it’s easy for me to feel that way. So, to keep me honest for the next half of my time in China, I would like to post a list of things I want to accomplish before I leave. Here we go.

1. Make Chinese friends.
This is embarrassing. Like, really really shamefully embarrassing. Like, so embarrassing, that if it shows up on the blog, it means that my better angels have won over my devils and I actually sucked it up and posted this shameful fact, and it was a close call, let me tell you. The truth: I have not made one Chinese friend while I’ve been here. Not one. I have my tutor, who is a Chinese graduate student. She is very nice, and we have a great time in our two sessions every week, and she does a great job. But she’s not a friend. And I have my host family. And once when I was studying at one of the outdoor tables at ECNU, a Chinese guy came and sat at the same table because they were all full, and he was reading Jane Eyre so I helped him with vocab and he helped me study my characters. The end. Part of this issue is situational; for having class at a Chinese university every day, and for living with a Chinese family, it might seem surprising, but I have no formal opportunities to meet or interact with Chinese students my own age. Let me stress formal. Because the rest of this sad situation is my own fault. Because, obviously, ECNU is crawling with Chinese students my own age. I just haven’t been brave enough to plop down next to a group of them in the cafeteria or at the outside tables or on the quad-like grassy area and make a Chinese friend. And it really should be that easy…most of the time, Chinese people are incredibly friendly (Except if you want to ask random passers-by for directions…they don’t stop. Ever. Like, if you were dying on the sidewalk, they probably wouldn’t stop. You can make eye contact, start to awkwardly ask your question, and they will just keep walking.). So yeah. Make 中国朋友 (Chinese friends). Truly my biggest priority. If you’re concerned about me and my cowardice, feel free to keep me honest and check in on my progress.

2. Explore more on my own.
On one hand, this means travel on my own at least once. For instance, I need to go for a weekend or even a day trip to one of the cities near Shanghai. I’m thinking day trip or a weekend overnight to Suzhou or Hangzhou, which are both very close to Shanghai by train. This goal also means get out into different parts of Shanghai more on my own. I do plenty of going out on my own (or, if not plenty, I make a significant effort). But I’ve stopped going to new places and have started becoming repetitive in my wandering habits. I need to just go to a random metro stop and just walk around and take it all in. I think this will be a project for this weekend, when I don’t have much scheduled.

3. Go an entire day without speaking English.
A difficult task, but I think I could do it. Maybe Sunday? I will choose a day and then write about my experiences. To prove that it actually happened.

4. Ask my host family more questions; engage with them on a deeper level.
We get along really, really well. But we also don’t talk about serious stuff. This is getting better (last night I had a really interesting discussion with my host dad about the Cultural Revolution), but I think I need to make a more conscious effort to reach out and ask questions.

OK that’s enough of a list for now. Maybe from these goals you can sort of see my odd but also enjoyable situation: no one is pushing me to do anything I don’t want to do. This makes this a very not-stressful situation in many ways. It also means that it’s very easy for me to fall back into my more timid/shy side (It exists! I swear! Especially when you don’t speak the language!). And it also means that I spend a great deal of mental energy thinking about and trying to justify my stressless state. Which in turn leads to, while not exactly stress, the closest substitute I can find on my gap year. A stress-like substance. The Nescafe/Coffee-mate of stress.

That’s all. Good night!